How to Reclaim Your Joy

Shari Alyse

At home and in the workplace, happiness can be a balancing act. Our health, family, and finances can often prevent us from focusing on our own enjoyment. But what happens when we make a habit of that? What happens when we start letting other, smaller things take precedence over our happiness? Things like fear, discomfort, self-image, or other people’s perceptions of us. What happens when we’re so afraid to rock the boat that we never even get in?

Today we sit down with motivational speaker, TV personality, and best-selling author Shari Alyse, who spent time struggling with that balancing act and losing sight of her own happiness. She shares what she’s learned about joy, self-discovery, and just how fun it can be to rock the occasional boat.

Key Points

  • Differences between happiness & joy
  • Power of perspective & being wrong
  • What can “we” & “leaders” do to be happier and facilitate happiness
  • Five connectors to joy

Have you ever pondered the following questions?

  • How do we give people and their happiness the attention they deserve in our organizations and transformations?
  • How do we enable change for people and not push change on people?
  • How do we create the culture and environment we need for people to express themselves?

Of course, you have! That’s why you listen to our podcast. But while podcasts are a one-way street, our Forward Summits are all about interactions.

Anna Löw will present a case study on their move to a 32 hours work week, the pitfalls, and their successes.

So come and join the conversation at our upcoming summit: HAPPINESS AS THE ‘WHY’ IN AGILE TRANSFORMATION, held in Berlin, Germany, and Online from 30 November – 2 December 2022,

You’ll get to hear from our kick-ass keynote speakers Sunny Grosso; Svenja Hofert; Debra Corey; and Fransisco Mahfuz. Take part in our practice, case study, open, and global networking sessions in Berlin and online!

Go to our designated Forward Summit Website for more info and tickets.

Transcript

*Please note that the transcript has been automatically generated and proofread for mistakes. But remains in spoken English, and some syntax and grammar mistakes might remain.

Elisa Tuijnder: [00:00:00] At home and in the workplace, happiness can be a balancing act. Our health, family, and finances can often prevent us from focusing on our own enjoyment. What happens when we make a habit of that? What happens when we start letting other smaller things take precedence over our happiness. Things like fear, comfortability, self image, or other people’s perceptions of us.

What happens when we’re so afraid to rock the boat that we never even get in it? Our guest today spent years struggling with that balancing act and losing sight of our own happy. And then everything fell apart, and in the process of putting things back together, she gained a new perspective on herself and what it truly means to be happy.[00:01:00] 

Today, she’s a best selling author, TV personality, and sought after speaker traveling the world and sharing what she’s learned about happiness, self-discovery, and just how fun it can be to rock the occasional boat.

Before we dive in, you are listening to The Happiness At Work Podcast by Management 3.0 where we are getting serious about Happiness.

I’m your host, Elisa Tuijnder, Happiness Enthusiast and Management 3.0 team member. In this podcast, we share insights from industry experts, influencers, and thought leaders about what it takes to be happy, motivated, and productive at work, so that loving a job becomes the norm and not the exception. We will be publishing every fortnight on Friday, so be sure to tune in and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts.[00:02:00] 

Our guest today is Shari Alyse, a sought after motivational speaker, TV personality, and author of two books, Little Book of Soul Hugs, and the International Bestseller. Love Yourself Happy, a journey back to you. Thank you so much for joining us, Shari. 

Shari Alyse: Thank you so much for having me. I’m so grateful to to spend this time with you.

Oh, 

Elisa Tuijnder: fantastic. I’m really excited. So we’ll get into your inspiring story and your fascinating perspectives on the happiness and joy in just a moment. But here on the podcast, we always start with the same question. What does happiness mean to you? 

Shari Alyse: It’s interesting. I’m sure we’ll get into it, but I went through a journey of discovering happiness, discovering joy.

And so when you say that immediately or that question comes, I immediately exhale. So I just [00:03:00] felt my body just go, Huh. But happiness for me really is a state, almost a state of being. While it’s an emotion and it’s a feeling, but it really is that tapping into that high energy, good vibration place where it’s always there, always accessible, always available, and just feels good.

I know that’s not very technical, but 

Elisa Tuijnder: there was no rules to this. No, it absolutely makes sense. Yeah, you already said it just now a little bit. So but yeah, it’s hard to talk about your work and your perspectives on happiness and joy without talking about your personal journey which is at turns heartbreaking and inspiring and clearly resonates with people all over the world.

So could you share some of it with us, what you were doing? How did you navigate your career and your personal life. Back before you became the Shari Alyse that we know today. 

Shari Alyse: [00:04:00] Absolutely. So I always, it’s interesting when you’re someone who speaks about joy for a living and shares that there’s different responses that you can get from that and that, it could be cynical or it could be, how did you get there?

And it’s so important for me to always share the truth of the journey and the truth of the journey is that, at seven years old I experienced childhood sexual abuse and I went through. My parents went through a really bitter divorce, and so there was the trauma not only from the abuse, but from being honestly put in the middle between parents.

And so the journey really has been about navigating, finding myself again, because at such a young age when things like that happen, not only did I find myself disconnected from myself not wanting to stay in my own body, to be honest. To escape into other realms. But, really trying to, I remember at a [00:05:00] young age feeling like, I don’t wanna be that victim.

I’m gonna thrive. I’m gonna survive. And so I spent many years with the face of happiness and just pushing through, going through, that fighter, let’s just say. Long story short, it took me many years to really come back to the truth of what happiness is, what joy is, and that it had nothing to do with talking about it and all the external things, but everything to do with the connection back to myself.

And once I had that, there was no stopping me. Once I had that, it was really about how can I share this journey with 

Elisa Tuijnder: yeah. So was there like a breaking point, a series of experiences where you went okay, obviously you went through all of that trauma, but I’m guessing that revelation came at some point in your adult’s life where you said, Okay, done.

Now we need to actually be happy, not pretend to be happy. 

Shari Alyse: [00:06:00] Yes, absolutely. Interestingly enough, I didn’t even know that I wasn’t really happy until someone actually questioned me. I was waiting tables many years ago when I was pursuing acting. I was in this really affluent area here in Los Angeles with a lot of the entertainment industry.

And so just people had a lot of money, . And on more than one occasion I got questioned, What do you have to be so happy about? And I remember this one particular instance where I said because I’m grateful for where I am, and gave this whole answer and then I walked away and I thought, Am I really?

Because everything on the surface didn’t show happiness. I was in toxic relationships with men. I was having a toxic relationship with my own self, with my body. I was obese. I, there were so many things that were happening in my life. And as you said, what was that breaking point? For me, it was, I was tired.

I was tired of running in circles, tired of repeating the same patterns. And one particular, [00:07:00] the defining moment for me was one night I was talking with my best friend. It was like after a night of going out. I was complaining as usual about my life and the things that were wrong. And he looked at me straight in the eyes and he said, Shari, what kind of woman do you see yourself as?

And so I listed off, she’s confident, she’s self-respecting, she’s all these things. And he just looked at me and he said: So be her. And in that moment it was like, Oh, I get to just choose to be her. And so I started changing my life from that moment forward with choosing one step every day that then catapulted me into the person that I am today.

Elisa Tuijnder: Yeah, that’s, that was gonna be my next question, I know a lot of people, probably for a lot of people that resonates and we all go through these kind of, phases of life, maybe not as any as explicit and as heavy as what you experience, but a lot of people want to change things. And so was there a roadmap from that point onward was the first step was that revelation, But what came after that?

Was there directions or is there anything that you can say to our listeners, like how did you go about [00:08:00] this? 

Shari Alyse: It started as small action steps first. When that text or that, came in, I’m just gonna use relationship for, when that, from that person, that was not healthy in my life.

I literally said to myself, so I had to make conscious decisions. So that’s number one, is make conscious decisions of your actions. So I had to say, All right, so what would this woman do in this moment, this woman that you say you wanna be? And it was like she won’t return that text. And so I didn’t return that text.

And then that one little step and that one little action turned into another, until I started internally feeling so much better and lighter that when those moments presented themselves, whether it was in career or relationships or health. When lower, when negative stuff came my way, it was like, Ooh.

It almost felt like poison in my body because I was so used to feeling better that then I knew. So always make your conscious decision. First I would say, sorry, before that is have a vision of who it [00:09:00] is that you want to be and what you want your life to look like, because otherwise we’re roaming around aimlessly.

I just knew that I wanted to be happy, but I didn’t know what that looked like. So once I had that clear vision, then I was able to take those small action steps towards that. 

Elisa Tuijnder: Yeah. Yeah. And saying Where do you wanna go? Is a really big step in that. And I think a lot of people have to have that first step as well.

What do I wanna do? And not necessarily what do I wanna be in life, but what kind of person do I want to be? 

Shari Alyse: Yeah, absolutely. Cause that defines every choice you make from then on if you know you are a person of integrity, like what are your personal core values? Just like in a business, your core value, you have to have your own.

Yeah, absolutely. And does, yeah, and does every choice that you’re making get you closer to that, that you are wanting to be or further away? And if it’s further away from who it is that you think you are, then don’t take that. Yeah. 

Elisa Tuijnder: Reevaluate. Yeah, absolutely. So we all know how things have gone professionally since then, because I said it in the introduction.

But we all also know that success doesn’t necessarily [00:10:00] equate happiness or joy. Are you happier now? Are are you that woman that you envisioned at that point? 

Shari Alyse: Yes, in so many of the same ways and in so many different ways because at that point I just always only wanted the positive and I’ve come to understand that life isn’t only the highs, it’s everything in between. And so I have come to the full, This is where my joy personally comes from, is the full acceptance of me as a human and all of my emotions and all of the challenges and being okay with myself and liking myself. So in to the answer to your question, yes. I am everything and more that I hope.

Elisa Tuijnder: Yeah. And it’s the way you carry yourself through those difficult moments as well that, make you the person who you are. Absolutely. Yeah, it’s great to hear. That’s fantastic to hear. So that’s a, I’m very happy about that. While talking about happiness and happy we’ve been we’ve been [00:11:00] saying we’ve been using them a little bit interchangeably now, but you often describe you don’t talk about happiness, you talk about joy.

So I’d love to hear what. What your definition of that is and where do you see the difference? So 

Shari Alyse: it’s interesting when people ask the simple question, Are you happy? Like you just did for most people, you have to stop and evaluate that. Am I happy? Because there could be those moments where you’re like I’m happy in my career.

I’m not happy with my health. I’m not happy. And it’s a bigger picture for me. And it’s an emotion, it’s a feeling. It’s external. It’s the things in your life that that are going well, the things you look forward to. So there’s always that thing to get to in order to feel that happy.

For me, joy is like our engine, and it is what we are made of. It’s why children are so easy like, why children just feel joy because that is who we are. Joy is [00:12:00] something you lean into yourself. I believe that there joy is like micro moments that make up happiness. So every one of those moments of joy that you can feel in that moment leads into a happier life, if that makes sense.

And this is just a simple way to put it. Not simple, but it’s visual in my mind. So if you imagine life is a dinner table, right? So there’s a dinner party, and the difference for me between happiness and joy. Happiness is the food that’s being served on the table to you? There it is. In front of you.

Joy is what you bring to the table. 

Elisa Tuijnder: Yeah. And it’s funny that you said also children, we often describe them more as feeling joy and not feeling happiness. So there’s something inherently linguistic in there as well, that it’s almost more innate. Exactly, yes. We’re born with joy, we create happiness, or something like that.

I don’t, I’m not, that’s not fully formed, but that’s my 

Shari Alyse: exactly’s. Mys that’s of no, that’s exactly it. [00:13:00] Yes. I interchangeably said before that happiness is a state of being. But that’s how I feel about joy. Cause I know a lot of people dunno the difference. Happiness is external. Joy is internal, and you can you carry that with you.

And like I said it’s an engine. It’s our engine. And all we need are the connectors, the sparks to almost awaken that. 

Elisa Tuijnder: Yeah. Fantastic. I, it’s, I’ve never thought of it like that, and it’s really intriguing to, to let that sink in for a second. Yeah. So you’re a prolific speaker, and in, in one of your TEDx talks, you spoke about the power of perspective and intriguingly also about the power of being wrong.

So I’d love to talk a little bit about that, because I think it’s always very important to learn from mistakes and from other mistakes and blind spots. But not everybody likes doing that. So yes, please elaborate. 

Shari Alyse: Absolutely. My most recent TEDx talk was really about my journey of being [00:14:00] trapped in my own thoughts, in my own thinking within our own minds, and coming from, as I shared before my early childhood experience.

We all start to create beliefs, right? Like we start to tell stories based on our own experiences or even based on the things that people teach us, our teachers, our parents, all of that. And these beliefs begin to build walls around us. And so we begin to only see the world through the lens of those walls.

So for me, my walls were guilt, shame, mistrust, fear. So I saw everything through that perspective. And all of us have our own walls that we see the world through. And so the last few years really have shown us our need to be right in, in, in a way of all of the conflict that happens between people. Because we all feel like there is not all, but this is a generalization, but in my work that I have done, in the people that I’ve worked with, There is this [00:15:00] need to feel protected, right?

And so we have to hold onto our beliefs so strongly, but sometimes those beliefs that we hold onto and that we need to be right are beliefs like I’m not enough. There are beliefs, like I will never be able to do that. I will never, I’m not talented enough, all of that. And so in my talk, I really challenged people to examine their beliefs and be willing to be wrong about the ways that you feel about yourself or how you see yourself. Because when we can see ourselves clearly, and we’re willing to let go of those beliefs, just like we tell other people, right? Like we always say open your mind, think, be more open minded. We should do the same with ourselves. 

Elisa Tuijnder: Yeah. We’re always so much kinder for other people than we are for ourselves.

Always very stern. Yeah. 

Shari Alyse: And we hold onto some of our beliefs so tight. That we can’t even see like the ways that we are limiting ourselves. So it really is the invitation [00:16:00] to examine your beliefs and then be willing to be wrong about them in all areas. 

Elisa Tuijnder: Absolutely there’s this quote the name has slipped me now, but it’s negative Experiences are like sticky tape for the soul, but the happy experiences are like Teflon, so they just go off.

We, we don’t really internalize them as much as we internalize all of those bad ones who, when you wake up in the middle of the night, you go, Oh God, what did I say? One conversation three years ago, . 

Shari Alyse: Yeah. I mean our, and I actually talk about that a little bit in our, in my talk is, our brains are hardwired to to seek out the negative.

Because it’s a form of, protection from back in the day and we’ve just carried that over as so there is that you get all those compliments on something maybe on, on Facebook or whatever the thing is, and there’s that one negative one, and that’s the one that we zoom in on, right?

Elisa Tuijnder: Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Our [00:17:00] stupid brains do that to us . 

Shari Alyse: So maybe I say thank you brain for trying to protect me, but I got this. 

Elisa Tuijnder: Yeah. Oh, that’s a good way of saying that. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I should try that. I think we all should try that.

Have you ever wondered about one of the following questions? How do we give people and their happiness, the attention they deserve in our organizations and transformations? How do we enable change for people and not push change on. How do we create the culture and environment we need for people to express themselves?

Of course you have, That’s why you listen to our podcast. But while podcasts are a one-way street, our summits are all about interactions. So why don’t you come and join the conversation with our kick ass keynote speakers, Sunny Grosso. [00:18:00] Svenja Hofert, Debra Corey, and Francisco Mahfuz. Take part in our practice sessions, case study sessions, open sessions and global networking, both in Berlin and online.

Go to fwd-summit.com. That is fwd-summit.com. For more info and tickets and as a podcast listener, use the code forwardpod at checkout that is forwardpod. To let us know you are a friend of the pod and receive some special Marty, the management monster goodies.

On the podcast, we focus primarily on happiness at work. And your work certainly has applications for those of us who are trying to find more joy and satisfaction in our professional lives. So let’s start with [00:19:00] the employee perspective. What can workers do to cultivate a more happier career or even just a happier day to day experience for themselves.

Shari Alyse: I’ll say this right off the bat, everything it’s never about someone else giving you happiness or bringing you happiness or relying on, leaders or anybody else. It alway and from both sides, both from the managerial position, leaders and employees, it always starts within them. So I can only expect or create happiness and joy in my own life.

So first, number one, it’s always about our own self care, right? And not just physical self care, but what are the things that we do daily in our own personal lives to help cultivate more joy in our lives? Are we doing the things that we love? Are we taking time for ourselves? Because this, it seems, it could seem, and I get it. Oh, I don’t have time for this, but this is why there’s so much burnout.

And whatever we are. We don’t clock ourselves in [00:20:00] and out of our humanity of our humanness when we just because when we go to work. So whatever we are feeling in our own personal lives, we’re carrying into our professional lives. So it really is about self care. And I would say, because I, every day I believe there are five connectors to joy and one of them is meaning and purpose and.

Whether the job that you’re in as an employee is your future or your dream, it’s about finding purpose and meaning within what you are doing at any level. Remember, I told you that I was waiting tables previously when I was acting. I, there wasn’t purpose in serving steak and fries, but I found purpose in my connection with people.

I was tableside inspiring them, talking to them about life. So I found that. So find meaning and purpose in your work. Take care of yourself and also do some examination into the companies that you work with. Like really look into them and see what they stand for and see what kind of alignment that you can have, where [00:21:00] you actually care about the things that they care about, and begin to, I would say, cultivate that with your company and the things that you can care about and really get involved in and stand behind.

Yeah, 

Elisa Tuijnder: I completely agree. I think you can find a purpose and in everything that you do. So you said it all starts and stems from us. But is there anything employees can do, or employers sorry, can do to facilitate or make that easier, give room for employees to create that, 

Shari Alyse: yes, and I’ll share them with you, but I have to start because I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t start with the same thing.

Employers are humans too. right? And so they first have to start with their own wellbeing. Because here’s the thing, at the end of the day, I can’t see you as my employee and like who you really are and the [00:22:00] value that you bring, unless I see that in myself. Cause until I can see me, I can’t see you.

As a leader, I would say first, always take care of yourself. Same tips, self care. And as far as creating that environment for your teams, first is you have to model wellness and care. You can’t just talk about how your company or you care about your team, but then you’re not taking your own vacation time.

You’re not fully taking your lunch, you’re answering emails after hours. Don’t just talk about wellness in your company, but actually be the example. Actively listening, right? I’m sure we’ve heard this so many times, but not just really being there for your team, like having, being invested in them, right?

Like knowing about their families, asking them about their personal goals, being there, checking in with them. You are gonna get the most loyal and committed team members if you [00:23:00] see them. If you truly see them as people and as human beings and you are invested in them and the value that they bring to the table.

I remember again, I’m gonna use the restaurant cause I was there for 20 years, but I was so committed. I ended up becoming a trainer for them and everything, but I became so committed to them. Because of the way that my managers and the teams treated me and how they saw me, and how they were invested in what I wanted to do with my life.

And so I would’ve done anything for them. And if you want engaged employees, care about who they are. Yep. And show your appreciation. There’s no better way to create happier employees to boost engagement and morale is by letting them know that you see them and you’re appreciative. 

Elisa Tuijnder: Yeah. And that doesn’t have to cost much.

That can be No. A thank you . All of this. Yeah, 

Shari Alyse: all of this. Yeah. All of these tips are really about just making someone see, be, feel, valued and seen, because that is when people are at their best and they will show up [00:24:00] at their best. 

Elisa Tuijnder: Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. And weirdly, that should. First nature, but that does not happen.

, it’s quite the opposite. 

Shari Alyse: Yeah. And it’s, and it, and I’m, and I genuinely, with all my heart believe it’s because we as people individually, it’s easy to say, go do all those things. But unless you’re treating yourself that way, unless you value yourself, it’s hard for you to see the value in other people.

Yep. 

Elisa Tuijnder: That’s. You have also some targeted recommendations for women in the workplace. So specifically on how to, and I quote, own their badass selves . So I had to throw that in there. So what do you mean? We are obviously badass but I’d love to hear it in your words. 

Shari Alyse: It’s one of the keynotes that I do, and it’s really badass stands for brave, authentic daring, amazing, self-confident superwoman.

And so really the journey is just about embracing who [00:25:00] you are, the power of who you are. Look, so many women specifically doubt their place in the workforce in this arena because we. That it’s always been what has been the club, right? And we underestimate what we can do, what traits and skills that we bring to the table.

So really the keynote is really, cause it’s also a training and getting people to look back at. At their past experiences, and I call ’em their badass moments of their lives. So that’s just one of the things that I do with women is getting them to actually see it on paper, their badass moments of their lives, whether it’s giving birth, whether it’s jumping out of an airplane, whether it’s choosing to love themselves, right?

So just walking out of there, being inspired to step up truly and fully and authentically in who they are. 

Elisa Tuijnder: Yeah, and then we’re back to diminishing sometimes some of our achievements being like, Oh no, , that was normal, or there was one bad experience, and I’ll focus on that [00:26:00] one bad experience instead of all the other good ones.

Shari Alyse: That can be, and you also, we also forget about them. Like we are not even aware of them anymore because they could sometimes just feel like natural or easy to us, we’re bit, our bodies give birth, right? I don’t know if people, women, which is pretty badass. Yeah. , right? . You can’t get more badass than that.

Men can’t do it without us. We can do it without them. . 

Elisa Tuijnder: Absolutely. Thanks. So in one of the other talks, you also describe like the five ingredients to a joy filled life. And you don’t have to give all of them, but Yeah. Give us one or two, we can start spicing up our lives with it.

Shari Alyse: It really goes back to when I was saying that we are, joy is the engine.

So we are run by joy. And when you think about a car, whether you know about cars or not, there’s spark plugs. And so I call these like the five sparks, the five ingredients of joy. And it is all facilitated by [00:27:00] connection. And research shows there’s not a lot of research on joy. But some of the research that they have done shows that joy is most experienced in the connection, the re or reconnection to something or someoneimportant.

And so for me, my five pillars, my five sparks, my five ingredients are every day. It’s your daily vibe, every day connection to yourself, connection to others, connection to your creativity, connection to meaning and purpose and connection to the earth. And so if you connect every day to those you will have more moments of joy, which equal for your podcast.

A happier life. Yeah, 

Elisa Tuijnder: exactly. I really, yeah, really starting my brain, sticking in all these directions of how I can now finally, like I can see how joy is slightly different than not slightly is actually different than happiness. And and yeah those, I like the spark plug metaphor.

It’s [00:28:00] true. You have to, you have to get something in order to get the combustion right. And we are like all, we’re also a combustion engine. And we do need that fuel. Absolutely. 

Shari Alyse: Cause when you think about happiness, I mean you’re, it’s, I’ll be happy when I lose 10 pounds. I’ll be happy when I get that vacation.

I’ll be happy when I get right. There’s always that waiting. And so for me, joy is Oh no, that’s here in this moment. I can create it right now. I can bring that into my life at every moment or as many moments as I can. 

Elisa Tuijnder: Absolutely. Yeah. We are trying to change the definition of happiness though as well, I think to not a destination you’re arriving.

But it’s the journey. It’s the cliche thing to say, but it is so true. That is, if we constantly say, If only I get that promotion, if only I get that husband, or if only I get this, I’ll be happy, then we might be waiting for a very long time. Exactly. So here on the podcast, we are a really big fan of tangible practices.

Things are our listeners can start implementing tomorrow. And I know we’ve gone through a number of them also, [00:29:00] just having to think about the last thing that we just said. These five different joy sparkers but are there any other practical steps that our listeners can maybe take or identify to have more joy in their lives as to round this up and say, loving themselves more and having more joy in their lives.

Any other last kind of tangible tips that you could give 

Shari Alyse: us? Yeah, absolutely. As I said, the sparks, but you can narrow those down. So connection to self, right? That’s one of the sparks. So what is connecting to yourself every day look like? Does that look like waking up just five minutes earlier and sitting with yourself and feeling what you’re feeling?

For me, and I always put my hand on my heart. And just being able to feel my heartbeat every morning is a moment of appreciation and gratitude. So for me, every day there’s appreciation and gratitude. So if we can practice that, which we hear so often, gratitude is so important, but it is. So [00:30:00] there, there’s, because if we lost , all the things that we take for granted tomorrow, we’d be like, Oh, I miss those.

And so what about being in full appreciation of them now? Connection to others, right? Like a, again, actively listening. So how can you really give your time, get off your phone. I know people hate to hear that, but actually sit with the person that you’re with and give them your undivided attention. These days, it is the most beautiful gift that you can give somebody, and that act, in and of itself will not only make that other person, but that energy between the two of you will create another spark of joy. And then I’ll just leave this because I don’t have to go into all of these. Another tangible tip is really to find the thing that lights you up. And oftentimes it’s through creativity. When we’re kids, again, back to joy, we don’t worry what anybody else thinks. We’re busy. I remember recently going to a playground and seeing these two kids on the [00:31:00] jungle gym, the swings and all that, and they were like, pirates, get down.

Like our imaginations are so big and so grand, and so connect back to that creative part of yourself, whether it’s dancing, whether it’s painting, writing, crafting, building stuff, but just that alone, things that you enjoy and that light you up that will set you up for a life filled. More joy. Yeah, 

Elisa Tuijnder: another one of the silly things our brain does get, gets rid of that massive imagination that we used to have as kids and those people who can keep hold to that.

Yeah, it’s amazing. And yeah, I try and sometimes reach back to it, but yeah. So those are great tips. So I’m hearing like mindfulness, get back to yourself and then find the thing that makes you really spark and, 

Shari Alyse: and yeah. And connect with others. Give people, like really have that connection with somebody else.

Yeah. And self-acceptance is really big. Like I said, in the beginning when we started, first starts. Yeah. Yeah. To wrap it up, to wrap that whole [00:32:00] thing up is until I accepted all aspects of me and really was okay with them, including the times that I don’t feel great being that soft. I call it the soft landing pad inside, like really that self-compassion and acceptance.

Really is the driving force for joy in our lives. 

Elisa Tuijnder: Yeah. So important. So important. Thank you so much for this, Shari. Honestly I’ve, I, I’ve gotten so much out of this and I’m really I’m really glad we have this talk and I’m sure our listeners probably feel the same. So yes, thank you so 

Shari Alyse: much.

Thank you for having me here. It was a pleasure and a joy to be. 

Elisa Tuijnder: A joy. Absolutely. Thank 

Shari Alyse: you.

Elisa Tuijnder: You’ve been listening to The Happiness At Work podcast by Management 3.0 where we are getting serious about happiness. Be sure to subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, and if you enjoy our [00:33:00] shows, don’t be shy write us a review or share the happiness with your colleagues, familly or friends. Follow us on Twitter, Facebook, or LinkedIn under Management 3.0.


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