by Ujëbardha Bekolli
Waking up with heavy eyelids is nothing new to you. You slept at dawn and woke up at dawn, with a two-hour of sleep consolation to get you going through the day. Some people call it extreme, you know it as a routine. Heck, it even rhymes. But this is the harsh reality of mothers who are drawn back and forth, from being a mum to a wife, to an employee, a friend, and a housewife.
Days may pass by, months or even years, until we come to realize that the ‘I couldn’t care less about my appearance’ attitude has become our daily motto. We smell our shirts that smell like baby powder, cover up greasy hair with a ponytail and move on to a job we do not like, or in which we lack motivation. So, what do we do? Do we continue with the routine or do we move on to a mid-life career change?
There are several paths you can choose to follow when dealing with lack of motivation. I figure they all depend on the circumstances that are giving you a hard time in the first place. Sometimes it’s that terrible boss of yours whose understanding skills haven’t evolved much since the middle ages, and sometimes it’s only a matter of not being able to find the proper work-life balance ( which, by the way, is possible).
I am not going to provide you with 15 individual tips on things you can do to get that motivation back, nor am I going to tell you to quit your job and move on gracefully because that isn’t always possible in the reality we live in. I know you have ambitions, you are financially obliged to get to work and provide incomes for your family. You also want family trips and the best of schools for your little ones, so in order to fulfill those, you know you have to be a helpful partner.
I am just going to walk you through a journey on self-care that every human being should apply, but mothers as superhumans should do it more often.
Why time is a must
There is something very spiritual and healing about being on one’s own. You gather your senses, reflect and inhale tranquility (that said, if you can find a quiet time in between those chaotic intervals). But by all means, strive to find some. It doesn’t matter whether it’s only deep breathing, Yoga, Mediation or Praying. Maybe just inhaling the smell of coffee on early mornings, while in solitude. Anything that makes you feel whole for a moment will help you through the rest of the day.
A wise zen quote says: You should sit in meditation 20 minutes per day. Unless you’re too busy, then you should for an hour. And I know that an hour of meditation sounds luxurious to you, but at least make that 20 minutes of time about calming your heart-beats.
The concept of sharing
When we talk about sharing, we refer to it in two different concepts. First, share your thoughts and speak up. Do it with your partner by adding a bottle of wine before sleeping, after the toddlers have gone to bed. Spill out your heaviest thoughts of the day, or make future family plans that will make sweet memories. But please, make sure to rest your head in the pillow feeling relieved.
The second meaning of sharing consists in sharing your chores within the house. Not every task has to fall upon your shoulders as you will end up feeling wrecked.
Vulnerability can sometimes be very precious, as it makes two people come even closer, and I am sure that your partner will provide you will the warmth you’re looking for. You’ll be waking up filled with energy, knowing you are blessed with understanding human beings whose aura makes your day.
Good news is that your partner is not the only person to have that bright aura. You will encounter it in your mother, who will understand and share the struggles she had with you. You can talk to your sister, your parent friends, and fellow working mothers, who may be on the urge of a breakdown and maybe are looking for someone to commiserate with.
People can become exhausted from this ‘dual’ life of parenting and working, so they even started up groups where they get together and discuss. Joining these kinds of groups can be surprisingly liberating as they will remind you of all the important work you do as a parent.
Remember how inspiring you are
I know it’s tough to remind this to yourself. You might think you’re not adding anything significant to the world, while still dealing with tiresome and tied up knots representing your nerves.
However, you’re doing what most people consider to be impossible. You’re pulling out a work-life balance while setting a role model for your children as well. That, because studies have shown that 27 % of girls whose mums have careers tend to become more successful and their sons develop a more respectful attitude towards sharing house chores or appreciation of quality family time.
So be sure you know, that you are raising decent human beings. They will add up value to this world, and I’m not just talking about narrowing a gender gap, but also, teaching them to overcome the complexities of life. So know your worth, and keep being the kick-ass women you know you are!